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The Manager's Minute
How to Handle Rude and Offensive Coworkers

(Editor’s Note: This is the second part in a three-part series on Dealing With Difficult People in the Workplace. Check our archives for last month’s article, “Dealing With Problem Employees,” and keep an eye out for part three next month, “How to Insulate Yourself From Negativity.”)

Some people are just rude and offensive — that’s a fact. In your personal life when someone is disrespectful, you can just walk away. But in professional settings, it’s not always that easy. This is especially true when the offending party is a boss or peer; in other words, not someone you can discipline directly for problem behaviors.

So what can you do? The simplest strategy is to ignore the offending behavior. But this does nothing to correct the problem and encourages it to continue. Another strategy that most people wouldn’t recommend is to respond in kind. That is, when someone is rude to you, being rude in return. And while this may be satisfying to you on an emotional level, it is extremely damaging to personal relationships, and even worse, may give you a negative reputation as well.

No, the best thing you can do when dealing with a rude and offensive person is to take a more diplomatic approach. But what does this mean? First of all, it means not losing your cool. Regardless of whether this person is baiting you or merely being inadvertently offensive, if you lose control of your temper, you look like the villain. If you feel like you can’t keep your emotions in check, then walk away and come back another time when you’re more in control of your emotions.

Secondly, and this is a difficult one, try not to take the offender’s behavior personally. Many times when a person is being rude, it’s due to some deep-seated unhappiness with his or her personal life. Thus, to make themselves feel better, rude people will belittle others. The offending behavior is much more about that person’s personal issues than it is about you and your performance.

If the offensive behavior is to the point where it’s becoming intolerable, then you may need to confront the offender. This doesn’t mean getting drawn into a screaming match. Instead, consider your plan of attack beforehand. Approach the offender calmly and collectedly, and ask to speak to him or her privately. Then, as calmly and rationally as possible, explain why that person’s behavior is offensive to you, and ask him or her to refrain from similar actions in the future. One caveat — some people simply won’t care and may actually become worse following a confrontation like this.

Finally, if nothing else works, and you have no power over the offending party or higher-up to appeal to, simply learn to live with it. In a worst-case scenario, you’ll need to mentally prepare yourself for dealing with rude people beforehand, and do your best to avoid them when you can.

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In This Issue



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Managing People Tip:
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– Confucius


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Your Responses:

I have a nurse that worked as a bartender in his previous employment and using offensive language in that environment is understandable. But, he bought that offensive behavior into the patient care area. I have written him up and it stopped for a while but I see it coming back. I will, at this point, bring it to his attention again and let him know that if I hear anymore offensive language in the patient care area, I will take further steps, and hopefully this time will be the last. Any further decipline measures that I don't know about is certainily welcome. Thanks, Juan juan.lopez@ihs.gov
Posted by: Juan J. Lopez, RN
08/08/11 at 12:13 PM

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There are times when all avenues are exhausted. What kind of actions can an employee take? The supervisor is there to stay and continues to make matters worse. There is no trust, communication is short, she only hears and sees things her way. HR and higher management do not want to admit that there is a problem, with this supervisor.
Posted by: Joanna
08/05/11 at 01:32 PM

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I also think that rude and offensive staff cannot be tolerated. Allowing staff to be rude is a direct reflection of their managment. It is sad, but a necessary step to take if an employee's rudeness has been addressed, an action plan has been undertaken and the behavior is not changed. That employee is negatively affecting the working environment for other staff and cannot continue to do so. They must be let go. My question is about how to handle rude customers (or in healthcare - patients). For this group, I do feel that you may end up simply learning to live with it, but I have had others indicate that rude patients cannot be tolerated either. Anyone have an opinion?
Posted by: Tina D.
08/04/11 at 12:01 PM

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I totally disagree with the statement you made that one must simply learn to live with it (rude and offensive people) in the work place. No one should learn to live with ANYONE who creates a hostile enivronment, there are laws against this type of behavior. It kills the morale and bring a high leve of distrust. Anyone who is rude and offensive should not hold a position of management or any position. Live with it, REALLY!!!!
Posted by: Bunnie
08/04/11 at 10:32 AM

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In my case the employee was rude and just difficult in many situations. However she was also a very good worker. I took the time to really get to know her aside from her work and found that she has always been the person in charge and in controll of her home life. After that she was moved into a different department and given a position with supervisor responsibilities and she really began to shine. There are two sides to each of us. Sometimes we just need to find the right sides that fit together.
Posted by: Heidi
08/03/11 at 08:53 PM

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No one should be allowed to have to put up with this kind of treatment. Especially when the supervisor has control over your evaluation. If she thinks that I am arguing with her, she types up a disciplinary plan and my evaluation will be a needs improvement, which causes me not to get any pay merits. One way or another she will find a way for me not to advance. Joanna
Posted by:
08/03/11 at 12:56 PM

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In this day and age when you "have no power over the offending party or a person higher up to appeal to" - under NS OH&S this would fall under the violence inthe workplace legislation - you would have recourse through this avenue - no one should accept bullying as a condition of employment
Posted by: Debbie
08/03/11 at 12:39 PM

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I am currently working under an arrogant supervisor. She acts friendly when we are around other people. She likes to humiliate me and thinks that I do not know my job. HR does not think that she is that kind of person. I feel that she is mentally challegened. It is always her way or the highway. Joanna
Posted by:
08/03/11 at 12:36 PM

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this second part of the article didn't mention the use of HR to address the rude offensive coworker. HR should be an integral part of resolving workplace conflicts.
Posted by: leah
08/03/11 at 11:55 AM

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Very helpful.
Posted by: Leilani
08/03/11 at 11:14 AM

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If there is a bully in your workplace and management is aware of it, then the agency is liable should anything ever happen to bring harm to another employee, simply because they knew and did not do anything to address the problem. Agencies have grievance processes in place for a reason and everyone has the right to file a grievance. If a bully is not contained from the beginning, he/she is empowered to continue such behavior.
Posted by: SE
08/03/11 at 10:40 AM

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Maybe all the person needs is a little kindness and respect and they'll lighten up. Maybe they act like a jerk because everyone expects them to. Try seeing them in a different way and see what happens.
Posted by: Laura
08/03/11 at 10:26 AM

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Thank you for the insight in dealing with difficult people. I will share this with others.
Posted by: Judy Bodzioney
08/03/11 at 10:21 AM

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The rude person usually has a unique skill or talent and that is why management is willing to put up with this. Live by this rule--"Nobody is that good!" The damage done by a person like this usually outweighs any revenue generating or skills they bring. There are others who can do or be trained to do as well without the baggage. It takes a committment; but long term your organization will be better off.
Posted by: Bob N.
08/03/11 at 10:20 AM

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I am dealing with a rude and offensive supervisor where I work and it was really hard to deal with the first 2 years but now I have learned to live with it, period. Jobs are hard to find these days so I can't just quit this job. But I am looking for another job but in the meantime I just go with the flow.
Posted by: Kathy
08/03/11 at 10:19 AM

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Not much help here at all that most everyone wouldn't have thought of!
Posted by: Peggy
08/03/11 at 10:17 AM

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I am dealing with a rude and offensive supervisor where I work and it was really hard to deal with the first 2 years but now I have learned to live with it, period. Jobs are hard to find these days so I can't just quit this job. But I am looking for another job but in the meantime I just go with the flow.
Posted by: Kathy
08/03/11 at 10:17 AM

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Not much help!
Posted by:
08/03/11 at 10:17 AM

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Learn to live with it??? That is never an option. Confront the jerk and not in private. Stay calm but be assertive and make sure you have a witness near by to cover your butt. I have done this at every level I have been at in the company I work for and afterwards you go through the awkward phase where they kiss your butt for awhile and once that has past you can speak to each other as equals. When someone is rude all the time chances are they are a miserable, weak, insecure bully and bullys have got to be put in there place. If you call them out they will usually crumble. This works when it comes to men...women I think are a different story.
Posted by: C.W
08/03/11 at 10:11 AM

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Work is not an exercise in how to to get along in a playground at recess. If the offending party is as overboard as this article suggests then go to HR and the person's manager. If this person is as bad as portrayed in this article you will probably be able to go to HR/persons Manager in numbers and most likely it will not come as a surprise. Girding your loins for obnoxious people was the answer in the 80's, not today.
Posted by: Pancho
08/03/11 at 10:02 AM

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This approach allows one to take the higher ground without escalating the problem and damaging the relationship further. Many times relationships have been improved by taking this approach. Giving the offending person a chance to improve his communicaation may just correct the problem so that others need not be involved.
Posted by: Fred
08/03/11 at 09:52 AM

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My conflicts come over the phone. I simply listen to the customer complain and then try to come to some clear understanding. However ther are times when you get a customer that just won't let you get a word in and fails to understand.
Posted by: STELLA WEAVER
08/03/11 at 09:46 AM

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In the past when faced with offensive behavior, I just call the person on it in a calm, but assertive manner and they usually back off.
Posted by: Michele
08/03/11 at 09:40 AM

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None of the above makes any sense what so ever. document document document, after the 3rd time take the matter to H.R. and have them deal with the problem.
Posted by: Joe
08/03/11 at 09:39 AM

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how about taking the matter to the offending person's manager and asking that they address the issue formally - via HR?
Posted by:
08/03/11 at 09:34 AM

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