In real life, office romance is a controversial topic that's not resolved in 90 minutes of screen time and a box of popcorn. As professionals, we tend to send a "mixed message" when it comes to how we feel about romance in the workplace.

In a survey of 1,000 American adults, for example, about two-thirds indicated that workplace romances "cause favoritism and poor morale." But the exact same percentage - 66 percent - also believed such relationships are "personal, private and shouldn't be regulated by employers."

In other words, the majority of us believe office romance is bad for morale and leads to trouble, but we still don't want our employers to "outlaw" these relationships.

The America At Work survey, conducted in 2002 for the Employment Law Alliance, also showed these findings concerning romance at work …

• 1 in 5 of those polled said they were aware of a romance between a supervisor and a subordinate employee.
• More than half believed employees would "face retaliation" if they rejected a supervisor with romance in mind.

The poll also included questions on sexual harassment in the workplace. For more survey findings, see www.employmentlawalliance.com, click on News Room, then go to Polls & Surveys.

CareerThink Readers Weigh in on Office Romance
The topic of office romance obviously hit a nerve with our CareerThink readers, because your comments poured in to December 2003's Reader Connection question. We asked you to share your thoughts on the pros and cons of office romance, as well as close friendships in the workplace, and did you ever! Thanks to all of you who took the time to share your insight and opinions. Several responses are reprinted below.

Office romance: No way … or OK, but only IF…
The vast majority of responses fell into two categories:
1) No way, no how is office romance a good idea
2) It can be OK, but only if ….

The "ifs" were caveats such as …

• The two people don't work in the same department
• They aren't boss and subordinate
• They work in a large company where they aren't in contact with each other
• They understand the risks upfront and stay professional no matter what happens.

A few readers, however, were not only in favor of office romances, but happily reported meeting their spouse or fiancé on the job.

Free Workshop Winner
We promised to pick one lucky reader to win a free seminar, and our winner for this month is Carol Corum of Seattle. Her thoughts echoed those of many of our readers:

"Romance or dating office colleagues can be destructive especially when there is a break-up. This not only causes ill feelings between the couple, but also office friends and acquaintances of the couple. A team of workers can suddenly be factions at war."

-- Carol Corum, Seattle Public Schools

Here are excerpts from a number of other Reader Connection responses we received:

* Office romances are in 99% of the cases a bad idea - unless the two involved work in different areas of the company and have very little contact with each other. My wife and I struggled working in the same newsroom when we were in TV (I as an executive producer and she as an anchor/reporter.) … Some of our coworkers accused me of playing favorites/giving my wife special treatment, while others accused me of the exact opposite — being too hard on her and treating others better than her. Overall, I now try to maintain casual friendships at work, and my wife and I will never work for the same company again.

* While relationships at work are often tagged as a high-risk endeavor, the other side of any risk happens to be the payoff. The real question lies within the persons involved. Are you mature enough to get over it and move on if things don't work out? Or are you the "spread a rumor, egg the office and steal their parking spot" type? Know this about yourself and balance the risk factor.

* Most people who engage in work place relationships believe "I am different," so "I can handle it." NOT TRUE! My advice: Be professional, polite, supportive of all of your employees, peers, and managers but don't be a friend, lover or relative!

* Having romances or spouses in the office doesn't work. It causes way too many rumors and people get hurt. If one spouse is "downsized," it may affect the attitude and performance of the other. If one spouse is fired, the partner remaining at the firm is treated as if they committed the wrong or people are suspicious of that person because of who they are married to.

* My husband and I met at our workplace. We dated "secretly" for a couple of months, then decided it was time to be upfront. We were discreet but didn't hide it, either. I don't know what we would have done once we really got serious, because it was company policy that a married couple could not work in the same area. I was laid off, and we got married 2 months later. Normally, I think office romances are a bad idea, especially since many times relationships turn bad. In fact, I avoided dating men from work for a long time. But, in our case, I'm glad I broke my rule. I think we were lucky that we met at the office. We never would have found each other otherwise.

* A bigger issue than the relationship itself is more often the talk or gossip that flies around the workplace. Everyone loves a good romance, and a good rumor! Human Resources has often expressed the feeling that she is "Dear Abby" or the principal dealing with PDA (public displays of affection) rather than the issues of hiring and benefits.

* On romances in the workplace - no, no, no, unless we're talking unrelated areas of the company or separate locations. The reasons are too many to list, from pulling coworkers into unpleasantness during the bad times, to knowing too much about the persons and their personal life, to potential cheating with other coworkers causing major problems for the company. Not to mention charges of sexual harassment at various stages of the relationship, some legitimate, some not.

* Romances can be difficult to juggle in the workplace. In my opinion asking the
following questions are required for any type of close relationship in the
workplace:
a) Will/does this relationship impact how I do my job?
b) Can/do I keep emotions from affecting my work and relationships with others in the office?
c) Will/does this relationship make others in the work environment feel uncomfortable?
If the answer to any of the above is "yes" then you may want to reduce or eliminate the problem by having one of the people involved switch to another unit or, at worst, a new job.

* As far as a romantic involvement with a coworker — unless you really do not need your job, it is a definite no. The relationship could sour and one of you would probably end up looking for work elsewhere. Even if you married and remained blissfully happy for the rest of your lives, there is always the favoritism aspect that would be assumed by others working in the company. No good can come of it. A very bad idea.

* Romance....NO WAY! 99.9% of the time that relationship will cause problems either with the two people or even the coworkers. I have been in management for almost 30 years and seen this time after time!

* I feel that office romances can be OK as long as they do not report directly to you or work in the same department. It is too hard to keep personal feelings aside when it involves romance.

* I have seen firsthand the damage an office romance can do. First, it increases the gossip. Fellow employees notice far more than you think they do. And people tend to put two and two together very quickly. Gossip, even when it's about something that is true, is a cancer that will destroy any office. Secondly, and most especially if the romance is an extramarital romance, it tarnishes the reputation of the individuals and the office. Many customers/patients are going to feel like, "If that's the kind of judgment they use, why would I want to do business with them?"

* As for office romances ... well, I don't see the problem in dating someone you work with as long as you are respectful of other people in the office. They don't need or want to see two people cooing over each other at work. Work is for WORK, not to develop your social life.

* Too many times in our larger offices, I see romances that have gone bad and workers who become unproductive; on the other hand, I see romances that work and the workers are more productive because they are happier than they've ever been. However, on the whole, office romances do not work and should not be allowed in the workplace. The pressure caused by the two individuals, if the relationship works or does not work, is not fair to the other workers. Be professional where you work and socialize away from your desk!

* I know some couples who met at work and continue to have good, solid relationships. I also know others who do not know the boundaries of where private life stops and the workplace starts. They work closely together and bring personal information with them to work, whether in continuing a personal argument or maybe embarrassing each other by gossiping about the other person's personal "quirks." I think that if you can set-up a good set of ground rules that neither party breaches, these relationships can be solid relationships.

* It is all relative to the way the involved individuals handle it. Some cause no disruption of the workplace at all. Others handle it poorly and it affects not only their job performance but also the attitudes and performance of their coworkers. Either way, it will give their fellow employees something to gossip about around the coffee pots and water coolers.