Last month, we asked you, our loyal CareerThink readers: Is there a double standard at your workplace when it comes to family friendly policies?

And boy oh boy, did we ever open a can of slimy ol’ worms! Some of your opinions were so strong that they nearly jumped out of our computer screens and strangled us. The responses were wide-ranging, as well, as we heard from …

• People without children who feel ripped off because they don’t get the perks (time to use lactation rooms, opportunity to work from home, flextime, leniency when they come in late or leave early) offered to people with children
• People with children who feel they’re discriminated against because the praise, rewards and big projects go to those without kids because they can work long hours and weekends
• People without children who are tired of being expected to do all the big projects and the traveling so that employees with children can be accommodated
• People with children who think their companies are not flexible enough in their policies to accommodate needs of parents
• People who think their company’s policies are fair because they meet everyone’s needs, regardless of parental status

Nationally, employees without children are finding a voice in what’s been dubbed a “family friendly backlash.” For example, there are organizations like Unmarried America (www.unmarriedamerica.org), as well as a number of recent books with titles like, Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless, by Elinor Burkett.

And interestingly, the topic of family friendly policies is obviously so hot right now that lots of folks don’t even want their opinions publicly known. This subject, as much if not more so than any we’ve broached in What Do You Think?, drew readers who asked for their names not to be printed with their comments. In fact, the vast majority of you who responded asked to remain anonymous.

Here’s a sample of responses that echoed that sentiment:

I just couldn’t pass up this one.  There was a time a few years ago that the majority of the women on my floor were pregnant -- must have been something in the water.  Since they all gave birth within 6 to 8 months of each, it was a free-for-all as far as their work schedules were concerned. Arriving late, leaving early, phone calls to/from daycare; it was one thing after another.  Now, I don't have a problem when family issues are unavoidable.  But there needs to be a line drawn when it becomes abused and excessive.

My husband and I have no kids (don't ever intend to), and we like it that way.  We are career-driven individuals both attending graduate school, and I don't appreciate when it is insinuated that since we don't have kids, our lives outside the office are unimportant. 

And then there was this comment from a professional with no children:

There are only 2 of the 9 of us in my department that do not have children.  We are first on the list to be asked to stay or travel.  The others in my department (even the guys) would say, "I would, but with the kids it’s hard.”  I don't mind the extra work or the travel. Actually I really like it, because it does make me stand out when it comes time for raises or appreciation.

I don't think the parents should whine about it since they can't do what I do because of their children. Having children is a choice as much as not having them.  They made their choice and I have made mine.  If that means that I get more because I do more, then I believe that’s fair.

Another comment in this vein:

Life is all about choices. I've made mine. Others have made theirs.
I really don't feel that just because someone has kids they should get any special treatment or options. There is a double standard where I work. I don't know if people who feel they should get special treatment and privileges because they have children didn't think about what they would have to trade to raise their children, or if they are so egotistical they think they should be able to have it all. In short, I think work is work, and whether a person has kids shouldn’t be an issue. The same things need to be expected of people regardless, because we have all made choices to get where we are and we need to deal with it.

This reader hit on the issue of health benefits:

Where there's a true inequality is in company-awarded benefits. In our benefit system, as is the case with many other companies that I've been involved with, the discrimination is directed towards childless couples. My wife and I made a deliberate decision not to have children, but we are charged by our benefit providers as if we had spawned The Brady Bunch, rather than providing a service at a reasonable amount for just two people. The only extra benefit I receive comes from knowing I have given my benefit providers a hearty laugh when I suggest a possible change in policy.

But we also heard from readers expressing opposite opinions on family friendly policies:

Double standard? Absolutely. Leadership talks a good line about the importance of having “balance” in your life, respecting your family needs, and being flexible in scheduling.  Then they can’t understand why you would not “want” to travel multiple times per month or, attend meetings that run beyond or start before normal work hours.  All the while, the key players selected and rewarded on an important project for the project are either childless, or men.  It’s all right to be a worker bee with children, as long as you don’t have to go back to the hive too often.

And this reader offered a slightly different perspective:

Being a mother of 3, I can multitask with the best of them and make sure that what I need to have done gets done without stressing.  However, when the childless in my department stay late, we constantly hear about how great they are for putting in the extra hours.  It’s a little discouraging, but after a while, you learn to just ignore it and realize that someday, they will be in the same position.  One of the girls who used to be one of the “late-stayers” has now had 2 children, so she also now hears how much more ineffective she is at her position because she isn’t able to put in the extra time.

Some readers said their workplace didn’t abide by family-friendly policies, period:

The place I work does not believe in this policy.  I am a single parent and I used to have to travel quite a bit with my job.  When family issues came up, I was basically told that I had to make a decision regarding my position.  One trip was for 3 months, my daughter was in second grade at the time …  Many trips were just overnight, however, I wouldn’t be told until the afternoon before the morning I was to leave.  Again, if there were family issues, I was told I would be written up for refusing to travel.  It does not matter at this agency whether or not you are single with children, married with children, married with no children, or single.  All employees are treated with the same disrespect and as if we are five years old.

Because of the growing controversy about “family-friendly” policies, some organizations are moving to “employee-friendly” benefits, policies and activities. The new trend seems to be to offer perks or benefits to all employees who qualify, regardless of parental status. For example, if flex-time is made available to parents, it must be made available to all employees. If a parent can arrive 15 minutes late because of getting a child to daycare, then employees without children can’t be penalized for arriving 15 minutes late because of a non-child-related emergency or issue.

A few readers work in organizations with such policies:

Any employee with a legitimate reason for needing time off is given equal consideration based on first-come first-served basis.  If employees arrange to trade time off, it is fine as long as the work gets done.  Each member of our team realizes the extra pressure we are put under when any one of us is not at work.

A similar comment on equitable policies:

I am lucky to work in an office that allows a lot of flexibility, regardless of whether you have children or not.  They make it very clear what hours you are needed at work and if you are not able to fulfill that commitment, you will likely be let go.  Flexibility is definitely given for emergency calls.  If any given employee has to make use of this perk more than others, it is kept in mind when they ask for a day off that others want off also, or when Christmas bonuses and yearly reviews come up.

The issue of equitable benefits and policies for people with children vs. those without children is not likely to go away, because of the changing demographics in America.

• An estimated one in four adult women will never give birth
• Nearly 20 percent of married couples have chosen not to have children

Experts now say that a reasonable approach to establishing a “employee-friendly” workplace involves three-steps:

• Take a look at the demographics of your employees
• Seek your employees’ input and ideas
• Make perks, benefits or accommodations available to all qualified employees

This final comment from a reader sums it up:

Don't treat us as one problem or put us in one group pitted against another. We are all different, our needs are different, as are our life styles. All but the dimmest, whether with family or single, will see the need for shaping decisions around the needs of the business and the needs of the individual as the only useful approach.