Learn to Assert Yourself Without Saying a Word!

As a professional in today’s business arena, it is critical that you master the skills of nonverbal communication to project a more confident, poised and assertive image. Think about the leaders in your organization. How do they carry themselves? Interact with others? What gestures, facial expressions and voice tones do they use? Observe the people you admire, and note how they use nonverbal communication to their best advantage. There are a number of ways you can enhance your own nonverbal communication skills, but let's begin with the tone of your voice.

The Sound of Assertiveness

Many people equate power and authority with a deeper, more masculine voice. If you’re a woman, you probably don’t want to adopt a bass voice, but it may help you to practice evening out your tone, and perhaps lowering your pitch. Women who have very high-pitched, girlish voices may have trouble being taken seriously as they move up the ranks in their corporation. And guys that remind others of Pee Wee Herman may find the corporate ladder a lot steeper to climb.

To discover what your voice really sounds like to others, make a recording of yourself. Then listen for trouble spots. Does your voice rise in a questioning tone at the end of sentences? Do you sound tentative, whiny, or unsure of yourself? Practice speaking in lower, more modulated tones and then record yourself again, and see if you notice an improvement. It may take some practice, but you can learn to use your tone of voice more effectively!

The Eyes Have It

People with poor self-esteem often display low confidence by avoiding eye contact. Their lack of eye contact may be interpreted as being shifty or dishonest as well. If you have trouble meeting others’ eyes when talking to them, try to build up your eye contact quotient a little at a time. Practice on people you feel more comfortable with, and then see if you can maintain greater eye contact when talking to people who make you feel uncomfortable, such as bosses or superiors. Remember, too much eye contact isn’t a good idea either. Staring at others for too long can be seen as aggressive and intimidating.

Space Invaders

Nothing can make you feel more uncomfortable in the workplace than those people who make it a habit of invading your personal space. Invading your space is a way to exert dominance over you, and so it is critical that you learn to keep “space invaders” at bay.

Common situations that constitute an invasion of your personal space include:

• When someone comes into your office or work area and stands too close to you
• Looms over you so you are forced to step back
• Sits on your desk
• Picks up personal items on your desk
• Sits down in your office without being invited
• Or touches you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable

To take back your territory, you should do one or more of the following:

• Make an “I”-statement that tells how you feel and what you prefer
• Move away immediately
• Ask loomers to sit down
• Walk around your office as you talk
• Indicate the chair you want the visitor to take
• Explain all the items on your desk in a calm, expressionless way to the casual picker-upper before allowing business discussion to continue
• Continue to work and appear not to notice your visitor until an uncomfortable amount of time has passed
• Get up and leave your office, saying that you have a meeting or a previous obligation

Stand and Deliver

Your posture and the way you walk communicate volumes about your attitude, confidence and assertiveness. Make sure you are coming across to others as a strong, dynamic individual. When you are standing still, don’t cock your hip and slouch with your weight on one leg. Stand tall, feet slightly apart, head and neck straight, with hands cupped at your sides. Try not to round your shoulders. When you walk, keep your back straight, your head up and take purposeful, even strides. When people who lack confidence walk down the halls, they may slouch and look down as they walk. They sometimes hug the walls, as if they don’t deserve to take up any more space. And they shuffle, or take quick, hurried steps. Check your walk and your posture in store windows to make sure you are walking like a leader!

Men vs. Women — Nonverbal Differences

Men tend to take up much more relaxed poses in the workplace than women do. They may lean back in their chairs, hands linked behind their heads and elbows out. At the same time, their legs stretch out, or may even end up resting on a desk! This is communicating territorial ownership, and men seem to be naturally more predisposed to this behavior than women do.

For a woman to counteract men’s tendency to sprawl, practice sprawling a little yourself. Try to take up more space than you normally would. Walk around and touch things when you are in another’s territory. Sit with your legs stretched out a bit in front of you. Or remain standing while the man you are meeting with is sitting. These are all ploys successfully used by men to remain on equal or superior footing with their male peers. It can’t hurt your image to adopt some of these behaviors yourself!

When you are choosing to boost your nonverbal communication skills, use only those actions with which you are comfortable. If you suddenly start to act totally out of character, people will spot you for a phony, no matter how hard you try to come across as newly assertive.