Effective listening is the secret weapon
of excellent communicators — a key tool savvy professionals use to achieve
greater success.
The Truth About Listening
Did you know that listening, not speaking, is our most frequently used
communication skill? In fact, research shows that about 40 percent of
the average professional salary is earned by listening, and the percentage
increases as you climb the organizational ladder.
Most professionals devote time and energy
learning to speak more effectively, while completely ignoring the skill
primary to all other forms of communication: listening.
Perhaps listening is difficult for you.
You become restless and impatient when others ramble on endlessly or
are too shy or hesitant to get to the point. Or you may find yourself
chomping at the bit for the speaker to finish because you're sure you
know exactly what she's going to say.
Sound familiar? The truth is, most of us
don't listen nearly as well as we think we do. We talk too much, we
interrupt, we fail to really focus on the speaker — and we end up either
missing important information or misunderstanding what the speaker was
trying to tell us.
Poor or “so-so” listening skills
can be enormously costly to your job, your career and your personal
life. When you don’t listen well, work has to be redone, deadlines are
missed, mistakes are made and professional relationships inside and
outside your organization can be damaged. Plus, no one wants to promote
someone who won’t or can’t listen.
Good Listening Skills Bring Big Benefits
Whatever your business or profession, the ability to listen effectively
is critical to your success. Good listeners get to the root of problems
more quickly, build trust and teamwork, gain greater insight into the
people around them, and absorb important information others miss.
In addition, nothing makes people feel
more valued, more respected or more cared for than when you really listen
to them — giving them your full attention.
How to Become a Better Listener
Good listening skills are at the very heart of effective and meaningful
communication.
Here are 7 steps guaranteed to make you a better listener.
- Stop what you’re doing and focus on the speaker.
Effective listening requires your full attention. Doing something else while a speaker is trying to communicate with you is not only rude, it keeps you from focusing on what is being said and prevents you from observing body language. It also makes the speaker feel unimportant and rushed. Hold your calls at work; turn off the TV or music at home.
- Listen with your whole body.
Make eye contact and lean in toward the speaker, which will communicate your interest in what he is saying. Face the speaker squarely with your right shoulder to his left shoulder. Keep an open posture with arms and legs uncrossed. Nod when the speaker makes a point to show you’re paying attention.
- Let the other person do the talking.
Don’t interrupt, offer an opinion, advise or interpret. When you cut in with suggestions or anecdotes of similar experiences you’ve had, you shut down the speaker. Most likely, you’re busy formulating your answer, rather than focusing on what is being said. That’s not listening – it’s waiting. Listen up and get all the facts.
- Use reflective listening techniques.
In reflective listening, you demonstrate your understanding of what you’ve heard by restating the speaker’s message. Here’s how it works: “You feel (insert the word or feeling) because (insert the event or circumstances that made the speaker feel that way.)” As in: “You feel unappreciated because I didn’t ask your opinion on the proposed project at this morning’s staff meeting.” Or, try reflective paraphrasing: “You’re saying, Fred, that you’re angry with me because I gave you a poor review you feel was unfair?” Reflective listening and reflective paraphrasing clarifies the message, encourages the speaker to disclose his emotions and helps you both move toward a solution if there’s a problem involved.
- Occasionally ask open-ended questions.
Asking questions shows that you are listening and helps you gather information. If your speaker is droning on and on, open-ended questions will get him back on track. Note that this point begins with “occasionally” — you don’t want the speaker to feel interrogated.
- Observe the speaker’s body language to “hear” what they’re NOT saying.
Emotions often leak out despite best efforts to control nonverbal expression. Notice the person’s facial expressions, gestures and posture. Tight, closed posture indicates defensiveness and closed mindedness. Note discrepancies between what the person says and how she acts. If she says she’s happy, does she look and act happy?
- Use responsive silence.
Most listeners talk too much. Responsive silence can be a key factor in getting the speaker to tell you what’s really going on. Maintain eye contact and a pleasant, attentive expression. Usually the speaker will resume. You may try saying, “And ….?”, as a cue that you’re open to more information. Responsive silence is especially helpful if the speaker is hesitant to divulge information.
An effective listener strikes a balance
between reflective paraphrasing, occasional open-ended questions and
responsive silence.
Improving your listening skills takes practice
and often hard work, but becoming an effective listener can literally
change your life. Practice the 7 steps above until they come naturally
to you — and get ready to be amazed by your results!
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