To survive and, more importantly, thrive in the business world of today and tomorrow, working people must accept and adapt to changes like these:

• New technology constantly requires new skills.
• Downsizing means each person assumes more work and more responsibility.
• Mergers and realignments alter company ures, bringing changes in job duties, career paths, compensation, retirements and benefits.

Dealing with change isn’t easy. However, some people seem to enjoy the challenges of change, believing they can handle anything that comes their way. When they face obstacles, they find solutions. And although they may experience moments of uncertainty or indecisiveness, they quickly get back on track, hang in there and eventually make good things happen.

Because these people are constantly learning and growing with their changing work environment, they can be labeled as both optimistic and assertive. Optimism tends to reflect a person’s outlook on life and their personality. While it’s difficult, if not impossible, to change your basic personality, it’s certainly possible to learn to be more assertive — to go after and get what you want. Here’s a crash course.

Assertive vs. Aggressive

In the business world, you often hear the word “aggressive.” Companies talk about their “aggressive” growth plans. Sales managers tell their people to be “aggressive” when calling on clients. Customer service reps are instructed to “aggressively” solve customer problems.

The dictionary actually defines aggressive as “full of enterprise and initiative; bold and active; pushing; starting fights or quarrels; ready or willing to engage in direct action; militant.” Depending on your preferred definition, “aggressive” can be either positive or negative. Typically, it’s used to describe behavior that’s pushy, abrasive or too forceful. In contrast, the dictionary defines assertive as “persistently positive or confident.”

The real difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well-being of other people. Assertive communication champions our own rights and well-being without violating those of others. It takes their feelings and needs into consideration and shows them respect.

For example, say you’re having trouble with a coworker, Monica, who’s fallen behind on her part of a project assigned to your whole team. As an assertive communicator, you have the right to privately express your displeasure to Monica and ask her to do her share of the work. At the same time, Monica has the right to tell her side of the story — perhaps a family situation has caused her work productivity to drop. Whatever the case, the two of you could rationally and reasonably discuss the situation and focus on finding a mutually agreeable solution to the problem. In other words, both of you could “win.”

On the other hand, if you were an aggressive communicator, your encounter with Monica could quickly turn into a public shouting match. You’d yell at her for not doing her job; she’d respond with accusations about your unfairness and desire to control everything that goes on in the office. The whole episode could result in a double “loss” of respect and dignity.

How to Be Assertive

So, just how do you go about being more assertive? Following are a dozen simple communication techniques that you can practice … starting today.

1. Use “I” messages and “feeling” verbs. Assertive communicators personalize their comments by starting sentences with the word “I” and by choosing verbs that express feelings. “I enjoyed your presentation” makes a stronger statement than “Your presentation was well-done.”

2. Discuss your goals and accomplishments. Don’t be afraid to tell coworkers: “I plan to increase my sales by at least 10 percent this month” or “I’m proud that I won the sales award for last quarter.”

3. Show an interest in others. An assertive communicator can read another person’s body language, or tone of voice and react appropriately with phrases like “I’m glad you got that promotion” or “I see you’re relieved that project’s over.”

4. Match your delivery to your message. To be believable, your own body language and vocal expression should reinforce what you’re saying. In other words, if you look sullen and sound serious when you tell someone you’re happy about her promotion, you’ll probably come across as insincere. Instead, put a smile on your face and in your voice.

5. Know how to respond to compliments. When someone compliments you, acknowledge it and accept it graciously. For instance, if a coworker says she likes your suit, say “Thanks for noticing my suit. It’s my favorite.” Don’t say, “Gee, I’ve had this old thing for almost five years.” Comments like that can make the other person feel uncomfortable.

6. Disagree mildly. If you’re unsure of another person’s thoughts or feelings, state your position firmly, quietly and in a nondemanding, uncritical way. Say something like, “It’s hard for me to see how your solution will work.” Gently shaking your head “no” will support your verbal message.

7. Disagree more emphatically when it’s necessary to get your point across. If you’re sure someone’s idea isn’t going to work and they’re being stubborn about it, make your message stronger. Say “Your solution won’t solve this problem” or “That’s not how I see it.” Reinforce your words by leaning forward, speaking a little louder and engaging in direct eye contact.

8. Ask for clarification when you’re confused. There are a couple of ways to do this. One is to say, “I want to make sure I understand. Please repeat that.” The other is “Let me repeat what you said to make sure I understand.”

9. Don’t be afraid to ask “Why?” This applies to requests that seem unreasonable, silly or wasteful. Begin with a positive statement, then express your opinion and finally ask a direct question. For example, “I’d like to help you, but I’m certain Charmaine’s already been given that assignment. Should I still do it?’

10. Speak up for yourself. Assertive people don’t let others take advantage of them. If a request is unreasonable or poorly timed, say “no,” give a brief explanation and don’t feel guilty about it.

11. Be persistent. If you have a reasonable or legitimate request, don’t give up until it’s been fulfilled. For instance, say you’ve asked your employee Charmaine to complete a report by 3 p.m. and it’s not done on time. Keep checking her progress every few minutes and send a clear message: “It’s important that I get those figures by mid-afternoon in order to authorize the payroll. From now on, please make sure you get them to me on time.”

12. Don’t feel compelled to always justify your feelings and opinions. Sometimes an assertive person will have a gut feeling, a hunch, an intuition about something. If that’s the case, just say so. You don’t have to explain everything.

Making Your Messages Assertive

When conflict or poor communication is causing problems at work, people typically react passively by doing nothing or aggressively by doing and saying too much. Still others may react in a passive-aggressive manner. They may not say anything to your face, but they’ll talk about you behind your back and try to sabotage your efforts. When these situations occur, no one “wins” and no problems are ever solved.

Assertive communication can help you get to the heart of these problems and find solutions. The most effective way to communicate assertively is to prepare a script of what you want to say. Plan it, write it out, fine-tune it, memorize it, and practice it — all before you present it. DESC is an acronym for a four-step process that helps you prepare and deliver successful assertive scripts.

D = Describe
E = Express
S = Specify
C = Consequences

The technique was first formulated in a 1976 book, Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide to Positive Change, (Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, Inc.), and updated in 1991 by Sharon Anthony Bower and Gordon H. Bower. Each step addresses a certain goal.

1. Describe: Objectively describe the problem to the target person, the one who can do something to help resolve it. Be very specific, stating when, where and why the problem occurs.

2. Express: Using restraint, calmly express how you feel. Remember to focus on the problem, not the person who’s causing or contributing to it.

3. Specify: Carefully explain how you would like the problem to be solved and be willing to compromise a bit to reach a solution. Remember, you’re making a request, not a demand.

4. Consequences: Lay your cards on the table. Tell the target person about the positive consequences or “rewards” that will result if she helps solve the problem. If the target person isn’t willing to help, outline the negative consequences or “punishments” that will result. Then be prepared to follow through.

Here’s how you might handle the problem with Monica, your coworker who’s fallen behind on her part of a project that’s been assigned to your whole team.

1. Describe: “Monica, I haven’t received your part of the research our team’s supposed to gather for the new marketing plan. It was due to the marketing director yesterday, and he’s called me twice already to ask about it.”

2. Express: “This situation really puts our team in a bad light. Plus, it’s important that we get that marketing plan together as soon as possible.”

3. Specify: “Is there something I or other members of the team can do to help you finish the research by the end of day? I’ve got a couple of hours I could spend on it this afternoon.”

4. Consequences: “If you can’t complete the research today, I’ll have to tell the marketing director what has been holding things up. None of us wants that to happen. Let’s get the entire team together in a few minutes and finish this project once and for all. I know everyone will want to pitch in.”

When using the DESC technique or any kind of assertive communication, remember to carefully choose your words. They greatly influence how people respond to you and your requests.

The Benefits of Being Assertive

Each year, companies spend billions of dollars upgrading their employees’ technical, sales and customer-service skills. What many of these companies don’t realize is that assertiveness training also can affect things like customer satisfaction, productivity and profitability. By offering this kind of training, companies can teach their employees to solve problems through cooperation and negotiation. But that’s just one of the many benefits of an assertive workplace. Here are a few others:

• Every problem seems to have a “win-win” solution. Assertive communicators first ask what the other person or party wants and then quickly negotiate a solution that everyone can live with.
• Because problems are solved more quickly, resentment, frustration and other tensions that block peak performance are minimized.
• Assertiveness training helps employees become problem-solvers rather than victims of a system they believe they can’t control. While victims feel paralyzed, assertive people feel empowered to find the best solutions.
• Assertive behavior can actually reduce physical and mental stress in the workplace because people feel less like victims and more like influencers.
• Employees stop procrastinating and start acting. They form an action plan for success by asking, “What will it take to make my goal or wish a reality?”
• Communication becomes clearer and more concise, which reduces misunderstandings and clarifies expectations. Phrases like “I thought you meant … ” virtually disappear. In an assertive work environment, people speak up and say what’s on their minds. They aren’t afraid their ideas will be shunned, ridiculed or ignored.
• Employees concentrate on what’s within their control, rather than what’s beyond their control. For instance, you can always control how you react to a situation, but you can’t control how others react.
• Instead of wasting time by gossiping and complaining — which accomplish nothing — employees focus on the positive, productive steps they can take to solve problems.

As you can see, it pays to be assertive in the workplace, especially when change and uncertainty are the only constants in today’s business world. Being assertive gives you the confidence and communication skills to go after and get what you really want. After all, if you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will.